All is fair in love & war?

"This is war peacock!"-Professor Plum,Clue

Two weeks have taken their sweet revenge on me. I stand in solemn silence as the bus drives away and I know without a shadow of a doubt that 5 weeks will pass like a year. It's a good thing I am not going to cling onto what I know. Rather I am going to take a giant leap off of this hypothetical building into a lake that doesn't yet exist trusting that by the time I get down to the bottom God will have provided one for me to oh so ineloquently dive into. Gibberish? Maybe.

I am going to die today. I want to. I need to. Death is painful. Sometimes it is very sudden and unexpected. Other _____ you aren't expecting it. For Christ I die that I may truly live. What does it mean to die? I truly don't understand it but I want explore it.

the act of dying; the end of life; the total and permanent cessation of all the vital functions of an organism. extinction; destruction:bloodshed or murder

What? Hold up so to die I need to but every thing I consider to be vital on the table and pull the plug. My eating,my thoughts, my sleeping, my so called needs...yes. What a horrible ideal! Who would want to endure this? ME! Thats what my heart screams but my head has a hard time keeping up.

Keep your head up. As my friends. Well they are distant musical friends that don't know me but I know them quite intimately. But they sang, they sing about keeping you head up. That sometimes you have to break your neck to do so. Cause it hurts in a healthy world to hold your head high but we are in a hurting world so it's impossible. Without death it's impossible.

So kill me...not even softly. The pain that we think we know is nothing compared to the life that we could gain. And we would not know of pain but of victory in blood alone.

And trust me it gets lonely when you are a tattered soldier on the sidelines or on the front lines or lying in a fox hole your regiment dug for you. To take a break from the bullets flying over head cause we understand if you need to sit this one out.

Because all is fair in love and war.[it's because we love Him that we war]

Be a causality with me?
Not so casually.
Cause it's not casual.
And it certainly isn't formal.
Or normal.
Death is just a reason to begin again.

WOP-Week of Prayer

By awesome deeds you answer us with righteousness,
O God of our salvation,
the hope of all the ends of the earth and of the farthest seas;
the one who by his strength established the mountains,being girded with might;
who stills the roaring of the seas,the roaring of their waves,
the tumult of the peoples,
so that those who dwell at the ends of the earth are in awe at your signs.
You make the going out of the morning and the evening to shout for joy.
Psalm 65:5-8

As I begin to type I cannot put it all into words what God has done. This week instead of going to classes like normal we spent the week in prayer over a variety of topics:Our world,our nation,our home towns,Lima,our families,our friends,ourselves,we repented and we cried out for God in worship-we prayed from 8:30 in the morning til 9:00 at night we short breaks in between. Here just a few things God did in me:

Restoration:God has restored my hope in a future ministry. He has breathed into me new vision and set on fire old vision. He has challenged me to pick up my ministry and run with it. God has said to me;"I want you to spend 15 minutes a day working on your ministry,by the time you graduate I will have used that plan,after all your plan is my plan."

Healing: God has healed my heart. I had felt heart sick for a long time. Sick because I felt so dry. Sick because I felt abandoned. God placed his hand on my heart and breathed new life into me.

Compassion:A friend of mine prayed compassion over me,God said through her this:"Callie God is going to give you the gift of compassion,you are going to care when no one else cares and love like never before."And God did just that my heart aches for those around me, those at home and those I've never met. I weep(I quite literally at times for those with needs) and for the first time I am not afraid of the tears and the joyful sorrow I feel for them.

Prayer:God has given me a new heart for prayer like never before. Most of the time I'm so selfish to pray for my home town or my nation but God has challenged me to seek his will and power for the world...for the unreached nations,for the broken,the needy,for the hopeless,the orphans,widows,for the media,for the political leaders.

Forgiveness: This week our focus was on two things the great commission and the greatest commandment(s). We heard this amazing message from Sister Clark. And she talked about forgiving your enemy and loving them as yourself. One thing that she said that really hit home was"you know you have truly forgiven someone when you can sit across from them and be friends." That night I forgave so many people. People I haven not even thought about in a long time.

Those are just a few :) I will write more later. Pray for me as I pray for you and we can stand in the gap for eachother.

Perseverance-sweating it out for God.

Luke8:15"But the seed in the good soil, these are the ones who have heard the word in an honest and good heart, and hold it fast, and bear fruit with perseverance."

I love this passage because it talks about scripture and the way people receive and re-use the word of God(if they do at all).

per·se·ver·ance /ˌpɜrsəˈvɪərəns/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[pur-suh-veer-uhns] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –noun
1.steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., esp. in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.(http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/perseverance)

In spite of difficulties I'm going to choose to serve God.
I'm going to continue in a steady persistent course of action.
I have a purpose.
And though I may get discouraged.
I choose God...after all didn't he choose me first?

God let me hear your word with an honest and good heart,hold tight to it and pursue you so I can persevere through the pains and heartbreaks of life. I'm on this mountain and down is not an option. Not for as far as we've come. Not for as much as you paid. This is it.

20Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. 21 gave, and the LORD has taken away;And he said,"Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD blessed be the name of the LORD."

9 days until I depart. This is blog is whats inside this stuffy head. Full of mystery are my days to come. So this is the countdown...look out New York cause here I come.

This is me chasing after veritas wherever it may lead me.


/ˌpɜrsəˈvɪərəns/ Pronunciation Key - Show S